The value of social intelligence

"I just need to be more strategic"  "I need to be a better problem solver"  "I need to network more effectively"  "I need to be better at managing my time" these are the comments that I often hear made when I ask the question "how can you increase the effectiveness of your leadership?".  What I rarely hear people say is: "I need to understand my staff better"  "I need to listen at a deeper level"  "I need to offer more effective work based recognition and appreciation of my staff" and yet research suggests that people don't leave organisations they leave managers, and that feeling unappreciated and unvalued is a key reason for staff dissatisfaction and one of the core components of poor performance.  Many people feel their development reviews are formulaic and lacking awareness of their real needs and feelings.

Could it be that the soft stuff is actually the hard stuff after all?

Daniel Goleman certainly thinks that the concept of social or emotional intelligence is actually the difference that makes the difference when it comes to really effective leadership.  At a deeply intuitive level we probably all recognise that this is true.  On the planet Avatar from the film of the same name, the standard greeting of the indigenous population was "I see you".  At a fundamental level, this is a need we all have.

What does it mean to truly see another?

It means having the self awareness to know when we are in our own way, and the presence of mind to know what to do about it.  It means cultivating the art of being fully present so that the other feels heard. It means having the ability to empathise with the thoughts, feelings and emotions of another without needing to agree or acquiesce.  It means understanding our own "anchors" and "triggers" that transport us unconsciously to un-resourceful states that interfere with our relationships with others.  It means having an awareness of what we don't naturally see- our "blind spots"and having the humility to ask those we trust to honestly tell us what we are not seeing ourselves.  It means understanding how under pressure we can overplay those very strengths which are the hallmark of our leadership and how we can run familiar strategies that get us outcomes that we don't actually want or need.

Because to have the strategies, networks, best time management techniques, and most prolific networks and yet not to "see" people, is to fail to appreciate the value and power of social intelligence and may bring success for a season, but will not enable us to lead in a way that can be genuinely transformative.