New lenses for old!

I was inspired by an article in the Harvard business review this week to consider the lenses through which we view our world.  Ask any visually impaired person (like myself) and they will tell you that having the right lens is crucial to prevent eye strain.  But, so often, we experience a different kind of eye strain based on our inappropriate lens wearing.

What exactly do I mean?

Consider the person at work that you find to be particularly irritating- perhaps they take credit for your ideas, or seem to you to lack social awareness, or are just plain "difficult" to work with.  Given that the task of changing the behaviour of others can be rather fraught, the easier option is to work on ourselves and the simplest thing that we can do within our influence is to change our lenses.

Which lenses are most useful?

Tony Schwartz president and CEO of the energy company suggests three, and this blog will focus on lens number one:

1. The lens of realistic optimism

This is not adopting some kind of Pollyanna approach to life, but rather separating the facts (what actually happened) from the interpretation of the facts (what is the story I am telling myself about the facts?)  So, a colleague doesn't speak to you in the staff room/canteen/board room when you attempt to engage them in morning pleasantries.  The fact is they have not responded to your invitation to enter into conversation.  The story you tell yourself about their lack of response could be "they hate me" "they think I am not worth speaking to" "I have obviously offended them" "they are so rude" any of these stories will probably trigger a whole host of other thoughts (related to past stories when we have thought similarly) and we will then probably start to experience a whole host of feelings which leave us feeling more or less un-resourced.

So what other lens might be more useful in this situation?

The lens of realistic optimism ( a term coined by Sandra Schneider) means telling yourself the most hopeful and empowering story about a situation without subverting the facts.  So a colleague has not responded to your invitation to enter into a conversation.  A more hopeful story could be "they are pre-occupied" "they didn't hear me" "they don't have time to talk right now" "they didn't realise my comment was aimed at them".  These stories will similarly remind you of other stories when you have experienced similar thoughts and will replicate the feelings you experienced then exactly.  Instead of the paranoia, frustration and anger that the first lens produced, this lens may well invoke understanding, empathy, even humour!

What situations will you be in this week when the lens of realistic optimism would be useful to you? I would be interested in your stories and if you choose not to share them, I will tell myself a story: it will be "fascinating though your blogs may be, I really don't have time to give this right now" and I will understand completely!