Developing the ability to "bounce back"

Ever suffered a personal or professional set-back?  Ever wondered how some people seem to be able to recover more quickly than others?  Ever wondered just how they do that?  As a "Realise 2" practitioner I am aware that the ability to literally "bounce-back" from adversity is one of the 63 strengths that psychologists at the Centre for Applied Positive Psychology have identified as part of the strengths psychometric, but my interest is how we can all develop this "muscle" even if it is not an identified strength of ours.

Why the sudden interest in personal setbacks?

I've just competed in an International speech evaluation contest in Ireland, a fantastic event with hundreds of toastmasters from all over the UK and Ireland.  I did what I considered to be a great evaluation "speech" and was widely congratulated for having performed at a winning standard.  The only problem was that I was over time and therefore disqualified!  What a wonderful opportunity to explore what it means to develop the skill of "bounce-back"!


Why does it matter?

As Napoleon Bonaparte once said: "leaders need to be dealers in hope".  If dealing in hope is an integral part of what it means to provide inspirational and transformational leadership (and I think it is), then learning how to develop the skill of "bounce-back" is vital because set backs are in the words of Shakespeare part of life's rich tapestry.

So, how do we do it?

Firstly, I think its important to acknowledge that in all situations we have a range of choices.  Let's take my spectacular "failure" in Ireland as an example.  My immediate feelings were ones of intense frustration, disbelief, annoyance and embarrassment (exacerbated by the bottle of water that I managed to overturn on the lectern literally pouring cold water over my own evaluation!)  After the feelings comes a series of choices.

Choice number one: Complain about the lectern positioning, the water bottle, the fact that I didn't realise that the clock started ticking as soon as I made my first utterance (which was actually designed to put the audience at ease after the water spilling incident, not to herald the start of my speech).   This choice leaves me in the position of "victim"- powerless in the face of bureaucratic rules with an overall sense of personal injustice.

Choice number two: Berate myself for my own stupidity.  I should have realised that my first interaction with the audience would start the clock ticking, I shouldn't have moved the lectern, spilled the water or relied on my notes.  This choice leaves me feeling depressed at my own inadequacy and damages my self esteem.

Choice number three: Accept that sometimes S*** happens and extraploate the learning.  This choice affords me the opportunity to learn, teach what I learn to others and to channel the residue feelings into a sheer determination to compete again.  This choice leaves me feeling empowered, determined, and with a real desire to pass on my learning to others.

Developing the ability to bounce back from adversity is really about making the best choice in an unfortunate set of circumstances.  The circumstances we just can't help.  The choices we absolutely can.