Best friends or worst enemies?

"The biggest devil is me. I'm either my best friend or my worst enemy," Houston told ABC's Diane Sawyer in an infamous 2002 interview with Brown by her side.

Today we mourn the loss of one of the world's brightest stars, the infamous Whitney Houston who had known what it was to be her own "best friend" and sadly died at the hands of her  own "worst enemy" - 

To what extent are we also our own "best friend" and our own "worst enemy"?

As I reflect on this question, I come to the conclusion that it is arguably what we learn to pay attention to.  Do we pay attention to the possibilities that are before us, to the talents, gifts and strengths that we have been blessed with or do we pay attention to the lack of opportunity, the weaknesses and struggles we encounter?

How can we develop friendship with ourselves?

What would it be like if we could learn to give ourselves the benefit of the doubt? to be kinder to ourselves when we struggle, more forgiving of ourselves when we fail?  What would it be like if we could learn to genuinely celebrate our successes without feeling the need to be "self-effacing" in the name of humility - or at least what we have come to understand humility to mean? What would it be like if in the words of Marianne Williamson we could in an unconscious way "let our own light shine"? -

I think Houston's self understanding and awareness at some levels reflects the daily struggle we all encounter.  We all have the potential to be our own "best friend" and our own "worst enemy" and the good news on this otherwise sad day, is that we have a choice.

What will you choose?

A perfect storm?

A "perfect storm" is an expression that describes an event where a rare combination of circumstances will aggravate a situation drastically.  This is unusually understood in the context of disaster, but I want to re-frame it in the context of creating positive momentum.  How often do we wait until a "rare combination of circumstances" align themselves before we take action?  Mobilise that project?  Make that dream a reality?  Give that speech? Write that book?  Are we waiting for the "perfect storm" conditions before we act?


What would it take, to act now and not wait?


I was struck by the story told of a snail that was inching its way up a tree.  As he slowly moved upwards a worm popped his head up and said "you're wasting your energy.  There isn't a single apple up there".  The snail kept climbing, and replied "No, but there will be by the time I get up there"!  He wasn't waiting for the perfect storm.


So what are these rare combination of circumstances we are all waiting for?


More money?  New premises?  More staff? and we tell ourselves that when we have these things, then we will act.  We immobilise ourselves and wait out opportunity until all the required  circumstances are made manifest.  


Isn't it time to start moving?  even inching forward slowly?


Someone once said to me that we leave this world with our best song unsung.  That is a tragedy!


What is your song?  Are you waiting for the perfect storm before you sing it?

The joy of learning

To be a great leader, its important to know how to follow, and to know how to follow we need to be open to learning, and to be open to learning we need to regularly put ourselves in situations of "not knowing".  Follower-ship doesn't generally get quite as much press or air time as "leadership" (a mere 450,000 hits on google compared to 501,000,000 on leadership) and yet I have come to realise that without this essential quality, leadership lacks the multi dimensional quality that it needs to be genuinely effective.

So what does it mean to be open to learning?  I recently met a great  African leader from a project in Madagascar.  He runs a leadership programme which incorporates life skills and entrepreneurial business skills encouraging micro enterprise in some of the poorest areas.  What struck me about this man was his incredible desire and passion to learn all that he could about leadership- his comment to me was that he wanted to "drink from my water bottle" as he felt that I had skills, knowledge and experiences that he could learn from.  I felt genuinely humbled by the encounter and will be seeing him this week to share my water bottle with him!

When was the last time you asked to "drink from the water bottle of some-one else?

When was the last time you willingly put yourself in a situation of "not knowing"?

I have recently completed an introduction to water colours paining course for beginners.  What united me and my eight fellow learners was a common vulnerability even fear that sometimes comes with "not knowing" how to do something.  The teacher was a wonderful artist from Lancashire who said that she regularly went on painting weekends to learn new skills- this ability to follow the lead of another and to embrace the vulnerability of not knowing, enabled her to communicate with genuine empathy with her learners; it quite literally enhanced her leadership.

By embracing my own state of "not knowing" and pressing through the vulnerability, I discovered a new joy of learning and with it a deeper awareness of what it means to lead others.

The joy of learning is at the heart of great follower-ship and therefore the heart of great leadership also.  So however your own leadership is best expressed, my encouragement is to find someone with a fuller water bottle than yourself and ask them for a drink, you will receive so much more than a satisfied thirst.