Living the question....

After a throughly engaging, challenging, entertaining and thought provoking day at TEDXExeter last week, I am still ruminating about what it means to live the question.

What is it about questions anyway?

Well, they are qualitatively different from answers, because answers invite us to settle whereas questions invite us to explore.  Answers create a sense of certainty whereas questions evoke a sense of possibility.  Answers make us feel safe whereas questions can leave us feeling insecure.

What are some of the questions that we can ask ourselves as leaders that will impact how we live now?

Here are a few thoughts:


What kind of legacy can I leave the next generation?

How can I contribute my skills and talents to serve others?

Whose voiceless voices could I best represent?

Where could I make the most impact for good?

What does it mean to be a steward of the earth instead of just a consumer of resources?

How do I live out my deepest values?

What does it mean to engage with others in a truly meangingful  way?

What would happen if I took the time to deeply listen to others?

What would happen if I took the time to deeply listen to myself?

The challenge to "live the question" is uncomfortable but strangely liberating.  In a world in which we are often enticed to settle for answers to questions we may not even be asking,  to live our questions is perhaps the answer we've been looking for.

Iron sharpens iron

Whether you are an avid supporter or severest critic of Margaret Thatcher, most people will agree she earned her title of "The Iron Lady".  Certainly "the lady" "wasn't for moving" on matters of principle or policy (or the poll tax for that matter).

As Thomas Jefferson once said "In matters of style swim with the current, but in matters of principle stand like a rock".

What does it mean to stand "rock like" or even "iron like" on matters of principle?

Are we actively aware of the values that govern our lives and our decision making?  Do we have the self awareness and the self confidence to make them known?  Do we too easily relativise, adapt, adjust and find ourselves swimming with the tide in matters of both style and principle?

I didn't particularly like the politics of Margaret Thatcher, but I did admire her ability to overcome the barriers that stood in her way.  I did admire her ability to climb to the top of the political ladder and become the first (and only) female Prime Minister in the UK.  I did admire the self efficacy and self belief that enabled her to maintain her iron like grip on the principles over which she was indeed immovable.

Iron sharpens iron if we will allow it.

My heartfelt commiserations go out to Margaret Thatcher's family, and I only hope that some of her iron resolve can be made manifest in my own leadership and in yours and in the principles that reflect my highest hopes and aspirations as well as those that reflect yours.

Are you sowing what you think and reaping what you want?

Are you sowing what you think and reaping what you want?

As the good book says “As you sow, so shall you reap”  Wise words, but what do they mean? 

We all realise that if we sow carrot seeds we are unlikely to reap cabbages.  But what sorts of things do we sow unintentionally in our lives and through our leadership?  and what kinds of results are we reaping?

3 unintentional seeds commonly sown

1. The “if I don’t do it, it won’t get done” seed.  This seed usually starts to produce shoots fairly early on.  Initially we begin to notice we are busier than others, and ever so slightly more stressed.  We then notice that we seem to be having qualitatively less fun than other people and find ourselves without the time to do the things we really enjoy doing or that give us energy.  We then begin to reap a critical attitude towards others (who are definitely not pulling their weight) which then results in a lack of trust in others and a negative work or home environment.
2. The “don’t worry about me” seed.  This seed is particularly fast growing and has a habit of growing up to choke the life out of other things we have planted.  At first it looks as if this seed has some potential and others may label is as humble or exemplifying something called “servant leadership” but it quickly morphs into something out of control and destructive as we find ourselves caught up in a “victim” conundrum from which it can be difficult to escape.  What we tend to reap with this seed is burn out with a very definite need to “worry about me” (which is perhaps what we were trying to sow in the first place only we expected others to water it without realising we needed to tend to it ourselves as well!)
3. The “why bother as no-one listens to me” seed.  This seed takes a while to produce shoots and draws into our past experiences to draw nourishment for growth.  When it begins to penetrate the surface of our lives it manifests as indifference which others often interpret as “cold” or “un-caring”.   This seed has the effect of so damaging the soil that nothing else of value really takes root in its presence. This seed never usually reaches full maturity and often ends up withering because no-one (including the sower) takes any care or notice of it.  Missed opportunities and isolation  are classically reaped here.

We really do reap what we sow, perhaps taking the time to reflect on our own planting strategy as well as taking a critical look at what we are reaping, makes good life as well as good horticultural sense.

Getting our ducks in a row: the power of alignment

I don’t know whether you have ever woken up in the morning with a cricked neck or back ache or over-done the exercise and sense that you have “pulled a muscle” but if you have you understand how painful mis-alignment can be.

  Sometimes our muscles and bones seem to re-align themselves with rest and sometimes we need the help of a specialist who will manipulate, massage, or “click” things into place.

But its not just backs and necks that can get out of alignment, sometimes our lives can feel “out of sync”. 

What are the signs of lack of alignment?  I suggest the three P’s

1. A feeling of purposelessness- like we are somehow drifting through life, going through the motions, meeting people but never really connecting
2. A feeling of powerlessness - like whatever we do or say makes little or no difference to anyone or anything else
3. Inability to prioritise - the feeling that everything carries the same charge or weight in terms of importance which can leave us feeling overwhelmed.

So how can we get the ducks of our lives in a row?

Realise the signs for what they are: signs which indicate that we need to take some action.  In the same way that a STOP sign requires action on our part, the 3 P’s are signs that we need to discover our purpose, exercise our power and prioritise according to our values.

Sometimes we can do this alone with time and space, sometimes we need a friend, mentor or coach to work with.  But whatever we choose we can all be free from the pain of mis-alignment- we can all know the satisfaction that comes with getting all our ducks in a row.  We can all experience the power and exhilaration that comes from genuine alignment.

Leadership Challenge: Who's got your remote?

The TV remote control is one of the most coveted items in many households.  Ours (more unusually perhaps) is a house of multiple remotes and watching TV has now become so complicated, I have actually pretty much given it up!

In essence however, the remote is supposed to make life easier.  Just press the button to select a TV channel or a DVD option and "voila" instant response!

Our emotional lives are a lot like TV controls.  Press the right buttons and instantaneous responses are guaranteed!

The question is: who has your remote?

Do you have it?  do you decide on the volume, channel, visual options, record facility, re-wind, pause?

Or do you freely give the controls with open handed generosity to others?

Do you leave the controls lying around so that anyone can just pick them up to "see what's on"?

What happens when someone else has our remote?

At a basic level we give others the control of our emotions and our emotional responses.

How do we know when this has happened?

We find ourselves saying things like "he/she made me feel angry/frustrated/jealous/uncomfortable; a tacit reminder that someone else is pressing our buttons, someone else is deciding our options.

One of the greatest leadership challenges for us all is to take ownership of our own remote control and learn how to use it wisely.

The alternative is to leave ourselves at the mercy of whoever picks it up next and spend our lives complaining about the channel selection, the volume or the plethora of repeat performances that fill the space or worse spend our lives searching for wherever we left it last.

Leaders are dealers in HOPE

It was Napoleon Bonaparte that first said that leaders were dealers in hope.

 What did he mean?

What is it about hope that inspires, ignites, even excites us?

Hope has been defined as a wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfilment.

So what specifically is it that leaders do to create hope?

I suggest there are two essential components:

1. The ability to discern the longings of self and/or others and to articulate them in a compelling vision

2. The ability to open the minds and hearts of self and/or others to the art of the possible

When we consider leaders that have inspired us,  what they typically have in common is the ability to state in a focused way their raison d'être- whether they are great social entrepreneurs, business men and women, political activists, philanthropists, sports men and women, church or community leaders- all share an ability to with crystal clear clarity state their purpose and vision; and this purpose and vision will in some tangible way resonate with the purpose and vision of others- somehow give expression to desires that are shared.

But more than this, leaders invite us to consider how we could be part of fulfilling that vision, that longing, by opening our minds and hearts to the possibilities we have perhaps not considered.  By enabling and fostering the belief that we can effect change, make a difference, be the change we long to see.

In a time of economic uncertainty there has never been a greater need for leadership.  There has never been a greater need to articulate a compelling vision that resonates with people's heart felt longings.  There has never been a greater need to inspire people to believe that they can be instrumental in bringing about a better future, for us all.

Understanding the shadow side of leadership

We all create shadows, it happens whenever light is blocked.  As leaders the main "blocker" of light is stress.

Stress has been defined as the body's reaction to a change that requires a physical, mental or emotional adjustment or response.

So if we are adjusting to any form of change we are probably experiencing some form of stress.  The more stress we experience the more "light" is blocked and the more likely we are to encounter our "shadow".

What can we expect to find in the dark that is not present to us in the light?

The Hogan Development Survey (HDS) used by Kairos in coaching leaders, explores 11 such shadows.  All of them represent a present strength which under stress can cast a shadow in our leadership.  So confidence can become arrogance, due caution turns into risk averse-ness , charisma can become overly elaborate, diligence can morph into perfectionism, enthusiasm becomes intensity, tolerance can become stubborness and the persuasive can become manipulative.  Creativity transforms into impulsiveness and the affable become overly conforming. The hard to fool become cynically suspiscious and the self sufficient can become indifferent.

Understanding what causes stress- the "blocks" and be-friending our shadow enables us to develop strategies to prevent our leadership being de-railed at worst or undermined at best.

Our shadow is a reflection of our best qualities that have become "blocked" by stress.  In the absence of a stress free life, understanding our shadow is probably one of the best acts of self leadership that we can exercise as well as creating the necessary light to mitigate its shadowy effects.

If you would like to explore your "shadow" side contact tania.west@kairosld.com